The blame game and the opposite sex 💔

The blame game and the opposite sex 💔

The chasm between men and women appears to be wider than ever if, like me, you see endless articles and comments written on blogging and social media platforms criticising or ridiculing the opposite sex. 

We see people expressing distrust, psycho-analysing, generalising, offering their perspective on the minds and actions of an entire biological gender. 

What we're actually seeing is many people throwing shade because of what they've learnt, their own (challenging) experiences, societal conditioning, inherited beliefs and programming - and inner wounding. 

Some of the gripes of the opposite sex include:

• failure to deliver or live up to our expectations,
• refusal to change their ways to suit our needs,
• failure to step-up,
• continually disappointing us,
• inability to listen to us,
• doesn't intuitively understand us,
• changes negatively over time,
• doesn't change at all,
• stops investing in us, themselves or the connection,
• gets stuck in harmful, self-destructive cycles,
• withdrawal or finding external outlets to meet their personal needs,
• harming us physically, mentally or emotionally,
• unfaithfulness, cheating or betrayal,
• high expectations and demanding of us,
• being used, short-changed or disrespected, 

these issues culminate in the sexes lashing out at each other, blaming and shaming in a release of frustration, resentment, hurt and anger. It’s perpetual, and gets us absolutely nowhere as a species, much like wars.

We cannot control anyone but ourselves.

Expecting others to change their ways to suit our needs is a futile and disappointing endeavour. We can only change our own behaviour and attitudes, and express our needs considerately, but if they cannot meet us, or we cannot accept others as they are, we need to let go.

And, seeing the toxicity amplified and exacerbated between the sexes, many people are choosing to close their heart, remain single, or keep relationships casual, avoiding emotional investment or forming deep connections with their energetic opposite.

However, deep healthy connections with our opposite are available to us. 

 

What if I said the problem is YOU?

I appreciate this is triggering, especially to mind-led individuals. 

We may strongly deny this statement, generalise, present evidence from our past experiences, perspectives and challenges, and refuse to accept it.

After all, it’s easier to blame others than take accountability of our own involvement, especially as our mind has gathered evidence to support our beliefs. 

Yet in every single scenario you've had, the consistent factor in each has been you.

So, I’d like you to consider this:

“The universe doesn’t give you what you want; it gives you what you are.”

Vishen, founder of Mind Valley

This is the universal Law of Resonance.

Each of us has an energetic frequency and vibration as we are electro-magnetic beings.

If you haven’t yet realised, our external experiences mirror aspects of our internal state. We magnetise energies into our lives that match our mind set, beliefs and attitudes.

These lessons arrive in human form to help us level-up and evolve.

The frequency we emit determines the experiences we have; lessons repeat in different guises until we realise, take notice and make an internal change. Once learnt, we cannot backslide, even if we WANT to. 

While we cannot control how or when we receive each lesson, a significant event, person and situation happens to give us an opportunity to learn, for our personal growth and consciousness expansion.

We have always had the power to choose better, what we accept and allow - we just have to truly believe we're worthy. 

 

Uncomfortable truth.

We attract what we are. 

We cannot pretend to be what we’re not and energy cannot be manipulated. It’s about resonance. We attract what we’re a vibrational match for, and the energetic signals we give off into the aether.

So, if we keep repeating situation and/or relationship issues with different characters, it’s a pretty clear indication something internally needs our attention.

Energies cannot enter or stay in our reality if they don’t align with us vibrationally – that’s why others can experience different realities on the same planet as they’re operating on a different frequency.

The key to altering and improving our life experience and having better connections and experiences, is to heal and raise our own energetic vibration and attract healthier matches.

I’m no exception.

I’ve had my own fair-share of life-lessons that have been uncomfortable and at times, very painful. It could have been easy to fall into victim mentality and blame the ‘teacher’, but looking back, they were scenarios that resonated with the lower frequency energy I was emitting and voids I was trying to fill externally. 

Healing requires much introspective self-reflection to identify what’s blocking our progression – including trauma, self-perception, voids and/or dependencies; we need to feel them to heal them, and release.

No-one else can do this for us, or fill our voids. We are responsible for ourselves.

 

It can be hard to release.

Some of our experiences were impactful, for multiple reasons.

Consequently, we can hang on tightly to people, scenarios, feelings and stories that happened, even when they're over, have left our lives and fulfilled their purpose which was purely to teach us and help us evolve. 

Letting go unlocks new, higher life levels as we become more conscious.

Releasing them can feel like a loss of control, or our anchor to our sense of identity which can lead to discomfort and anxiety, guilt or other unwelcome feelings, which we may try and numb, mask or hide. 

But holding onto excess energies can lead to blockages within us, stopping our progression as our life path continues, restricting and limiting our life experience. 

Plus, our ego mind wants to keep us stuck in attachment cycles in the façade of safety. But we have no control; it is an illusion created by our mind to alleviate our fears – a comfort blanket, but we must leave the past behind to progress.

 

It’s not the opposite sex that is the problem.

It’s us.

Our intentions and beliefs affect connection dynamics as we create our reality, and it matters if we’re attracting from a healthy place of wholeness or coming from a place of wounding and lack, looking for external plugs for our voids or to numb our pain.

It’s useful to understand that masculine and feminine energy are two halves of the whole, neither side is the problem.

This is the vibrational nature of the universe.

Sun & Moon | Day & Night | Dark & Light | Yin & Yang

Each of us has masculine and feminine energy within, regardless of biological sex or gender. Balance between the two is required for a healthy life experience.

Both polarities bring different qualities and attributes to achieve perfect balance, harmony and powerful unions within us.

Healthy masculine energy is laser-focussed, strong, responsible, respectful, inspiring, disciplined, and honourable.

Imbalanced masculine energy can be controlling, dominant, hard, aggressive, insensitive, and abusive.

Healthy feminine energy is radiant, warm, loving, caring, sensitive, trusting, vulnerable, nurturing, compassionate, empathetic and playful.

Imbalanced feminine energy is synthetic, insecure, controlling, bitchy, manipulative, erratic, aggressive and belittling.

Understanding this helps explain why our external world is experiencing chaos and imbalance as there's currently heavy emphasis on our masculine energy and we’ve disconnected from our desire for unity and oneness, disregarding or suppressing our inner feminine. 

 

SEX. 

Is an energy transference. 

When we plug into other sexually, we download, exchange and share our energies. This impacts us positively or negatively depending on our partner’s wounding, energetic cleanliness and frequency.

As such, the impact of each integration, even if short-lived, is lasting. 

Many seek sexual encounters that bolster their self-esteem or fill an emotional gap, or distract themselves from life, or just want energetic release and can mistake sex and chemistry for intimacy.

Yet a purely physical connection can't satiate a deeper desire to be heard, raw, authentic, honest, vulnerable, loved and accepted unconditionally by another – real intimacy is truth and exposing what we hide.

I believe men and women both want emotionally safe spaces and perhaps today's sexual culture isn't 'liberating' at all, but a literal dumping ground for people who haven't got their own shit together, looking externally for love, acceptance, or to fill the voids within, losing themselves in distraction, escape or avoidance of reality.

Ultimately sex is a powerful blending of consciousness, energy flow and connection between the two polarities. It involves being present, vulnerable and sharing ourselves fully and openly rather than simply performing or absently going through the motions for acceptance or validation. Feeding the ego, but not the soul.

When we’ve mastery over our own energy through healing, and selectively choose to align and merge with another, sex becomes pure ecstasy for the body and soul. 

 

In a nutshell…

For eons our masculine and feminine energies have been imbalanced - individually and collectively, causing us to seek externally what we lack internally. Societal expectations and cultural conditioning have made it difficult for men (in particular) to regulate their emotions, find self-worth and connect with the feminine within - ridiculing and belittling that aspect of self. 

This has led to relying on external achievements like sexual conquests, accumulated wealth or other status symbols as measures of happiness, power and success.

Yet these are superficial, and if we link our happiness to external factors, we give our power away to that which we cannot, actually, control.  

With imbalance comes bravado, casual and cavalier attitudes, and the lack of trust and safe space repels women of a higher frequency and emotional intelligence. 

Both biological genders can have energetic imbalances and reject aspects of themselves.

Consequently, the feminine polarity hasn’t felt safe, loved, heard or protected around wounded masculine energy, which has forced them out of their feminine energy and into their masculine energy to protect themselves, tipping them into wounded feminine traits listed above.

We all know women encounter significant societal, cultural and social pressures too, including suppression, objectification, judgement, shaming, ridicule, control, oppression, domination and disrespect as a result of exposure to much generational toxic masculine energy in both biological genders. 

The pent-up resentment between the sexes is palpable. And, of course, this can be discussed eternally, but we need change now, and we can do something about it to move forward.

 

We can restore balance if we want to.

“As above, so below, as within, so without, as the universe, so the soul…”

Hermes Trismegistus

We cannot undo all that has generationally gone before, but we can choose to personally do better moving forward.

This starts with taking accountability and responsibility for our own frequency and behaviour and working to heal wounds within, not project onto others or get into egoic he said, she said blame games which are perpetual and low vibrational. 

It involves raising our own energetic frequency and attracting from a healthy place of wholeness, not wounding or lack, effectively getting out of the shallow end of the dating pool, and into something much healthier.

Or, we can keep replaying the same lesson for the rest of our existence.

If we want a high calibre partner, we must be of high calibre ourselves and equally worth the investment - we must align with the frequency. I don't mean physical appearance or accumulated wealth, but who we are at our core, beneath the carefully constructed character.

There is no real argument for “there’s no good men/women”. There is an abundance of anything – we just have to be of a vibration to attract it into our reality.  

That starts with self-love, and a little more compassion, understanding, forgiveness and healthly communication between both sides.

No tactics, games or manipulation required. 

With much love,

Stacey 💙

 

ROHO RAFIKI ®

I’m Stacey, creator of Roho Rafiki®. RR is an expanding, conscious global community of people who are choosing to impact life on our planet positively.

It is fundamentally based on principles of unity consciousness, self-awareness, the reclamation of personal power, and respect for the interconnectedness of all things.

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